please others eating disorders

How do we cope with our need to please others?

Monica Varo Blog

Sometimes we struggle with our need to please others so much that we need a “crutch”.

So, we turn towards food sometimes.

We usually run use the expression: “I’m hungry for love“. “I’m hungry for power, for rewards” and so on.

So, we are always hungry for something.

When that hunger is not fulfilled with what we strive to achieve, we turn to food.

How many times do you find yourself eating, and you’re actually not hungry at all? How many times do you find yourself eating when you are bored?

You always feel that emptiness because you forgot about yourself, trying to please others.

Therefore, you forget about who you are and what you actually enjoy doing.

Do you even know what you enjoy doing? What hobbies do you have? Which things do you always refer to, saying: “Oh, I wish I had the time to do that“?

You never have the time – but you do have time to be bored, so then you start eating.

How many times do you eat because you just want something to do or for feeling lonely?

How many times do you eat because you are in a social gathering and you don’t have the confidence to talk to people? In these cases, you probably go and sit next to the table. If it’s a buffet especially, you probably just pile up the plate and pretend you’re eating, so you avoid talking to people.

How many times do you eat when you are angry or stressed?

And how many times do you eat to reward yourself?

It’s just so common to think: “I had a really good day today. A great achievement. Yes, I’ll celebrate with a big [insert your preferred food], or a piece of cake or chocolate!” It’s just as common as thinking: “I had a really bad day. I deserve this treat, so I’ll reward myself“.


How about, instead, going to explore what you actually enjoy doing?

What are your passions? Whether it’s walking, gardening, reading, listening to your favourite music, painting, drawing… you name it.

Just go and do that, instead of eating. The food is always there and it’s not a waste. Rather than eating, leave it there.

We need food, but when we always tend to food, then we make it our worst enemy.

We always need something or somebody to blame. “I’m eating because I’m hungry“, or “hungry for love”, or “sad“, “anxious“, and so on.

The food won’t resolve that. The food is there for us to be fed and feel strong and function. So, don’t use the food as a crutch. Go and find your passions: playing an instrument, learning a language, whatever you want to do. Just go and do it, because otherwise, you’ll end up feeling lonely sad, isolated, with a lot of weight carrying around.

Actually, weight sometimes can represent the extra baggage, the extra burden we keep.

Also, sometimes it represents a layer of coat: you think that, like that, nobody can actually you, the real you, because you don’t feel comfortable to be in the real world.

So, you probably tend to make yourself a self as uninviting as you can, so nobody can actually look at you –  rather than shining out and enjoying yourself and finding your passion.

So, please take some time and think about what you actually enjoy doing and eat only when you are hungry.

And every time we reach for that food, when you watch TV, or when you are in bed, or when you are experiencing any emotions, and they are negative or even to celebrate something, just think about: “Am I really hungry? Why am I eating?

Other common crutches are alcohol, drugs, over shopping, over-exercising even. So, please go and find who you really are and bring some joy into your own life.

Go and find somebody to talk to if you struggle with any of these emotions.

If you have any questions, please do ask. I’m always here for everybody and I’m happy to reply.

You can use the contact form below to email me, or alternatively contact me on 07772467444, for appointments or further information.

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